Dear Josh Brolin

I love you! It's true!


Love always,
Jocelyn


PS You take the best candid drunken shots with a dude ever!

Dear Carter Family

I mean after watching House of Carters, I should have known that one of you would be busted for drugs...I am surprised it was later rather than sooner. Remember when your mom beat up your dad's girlfriend and then she got arrested...OR when Nick dated Willa Ford followed by Paris Hilton and then a playmate that Aaron then got engaged to. Um, yeah, maybe you guys don't make the best life decisions...

Too soon?

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Ralph Macchio

I was inspired to write to you after I've noticed that one of my commenters is a big macchio fan (yes, i'm speaking to you macchio man!). So, after The Outsiders and the prolific Karate Kid empire, what have you been busy doing? Are you now an instructor at Tiger Schulman's Karate? Let me know!

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear NPH

So, you are my favorite ever! Why? I just find you enthralling and entertaining. I remember a while back you were in Cabaret at Studio 54. Who knew? I guess you did. Secrets keeper! By the way, do you still talk to Vinnie?


Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Pink and Carey

RIP to your love. I thought it was a marriage made in tattoo heaven. Carey, will you now get a dating show on VH1? Will Pink compete on the next round of Rock of Love? Really this news is just like a pill. Instead of making me better, keeps making me ill.

Too soon?

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Adam Garcia

I saw you in Coyote Ugly this weekend. I have to admit you're wicked hot. But, your video for Night Fever is not wicked or hot. What's with the low cut v-neck t-shirt? Did you borrow it from Simon Cowell?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCT2ZFd2pSM

But, I'd still go out with you! Call me!


Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Natalie Portman

So you're making "vegan" pumps and selling them to the masses for $250. That's cool. Know who else makes faux patent leather pumps...payless...know how much they cost? $15.50.

Need I say more?

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Keri Russell

There's a picture of you today and your hair looks quite dark. But I like it. Remember when you chopped it off on Felicity and the WB almost fired you and curly haired girls everywhere got mad and boycotted the show. I do. I also remember this: http://www.tmz.com/2008/01/24/mourning-in-brooklyn/

When are we going to do that again?

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Frugal Gourmet

I used to watch your show as a child on public television. Which is ironic because you liked kids oh so much, just not in the right way. But, a love of watching cooking shows has stuck with me. So has a love of being frugal.

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear John Mayer

I hear you're looking for a wife. That's funny since I am a woman and someday I'd like to marry a successful, Grammy winning pop star. Also, I've been told my body is a wonderland. We should chat about this over dinner one night. Then, if we hit it off, perhaps take it to a chapel in Vegas. Sound good?

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Ewan McGregor

It's Valentine's Day, and really there's no better day for me to profess my undying celebrity crush on you. Why? How can you even question why...You can sing, act and rock a Scottish mohawk like no other. My dear Ewan, you can do no wrong. Happy Valentine's Day, lover!


Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Tara Reid

Last night your Lifetime flick Devil's Pond was on. So the guy you marry in it is really controlling. Was Carson like that? When should I expect to see Devil's Pond 2? And if they can't get you to reprise the role, do you feel Tori and Dean are fitting replacements for the leads?

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Daniel-Day Lewis

Okay, so I know this is old, but what's the deal with you and Heath? I know it's a tragedy he's gone, but why do you dedicate everything to him now. You never even met him. It's sort of creepy. You're a great actor and that means you may win the Oscar next week. If you do, just thank your wife, god, PTA...but please DO NOT thank Heath!


Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Amy Winehouse

Were your boobs always that big? I don't remember them that way! I remember many aspects of your look: the dirty ballerina flats, the beehive, Mark Ronson (okay maybe I just remember him! cute British bloke!), but really those boobs...I think not! Maybe, much like your Grammy, you should dedicate them to Blake!

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Robbie Williams

Today you turn 34. That's mighty fine! I've always thought there was something sort of cute about you. So, take that! Happy Birthday, old chap!

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Trace Ayala

Okay, so I don't get it. I didn't know you existed until today. Also I was interested to find out that you're friends with Justin; big whoop! You date pretty girls, but every guy in Hollywood does. I only have one quick question: Does your mom dress you? Your pictures on IMDB lead me to believe that may be the case.

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Larry Birkhead

It's nice to see that you've taken little Dannielynn to Atlantis for a holiday retreat. I hope it helps her lazy eye. I was thinking maybe you should have brushed your hair before the photo shoot. Or, maybe had Howard K. Stern do it for you. I bet he likes brushing people's hair.

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Bridget Moynahan

You'll always be Natasha from Sex and The City in my book. Though I also enjoyed your performance in Coyote Ugly and I'm sure John Cusack enjoyed your work in Serendipity. When should I next expect a youtube video from you? Is Natasha in the SATC movie? Did you and Cusack ever make it work?

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Heidi and Will

Your sports illustrated spread is fantastic. Really, it's a laugh a minute. You two crazy kids really have something going on. There's a lot of chemistry here. There's a lot of biting too. What's up with that?

Love always,
Jocelyn

Dear Ben Affleck

You have the most adorable family ever. Okay, so the Stefani-Rossdales come in a close second. But, you, Jen and Violet rock my socks. If you leave Jen then we too can make a baby who plays with kittens.

Love always,
Jocelyn